Even the most sophisticated anti-theft device cannot stand between me and Studio Ghibli.* *Note I don’t steal things, silly girls at counters don’t unlock DVDs and I’m impatient.** **And lazy
Mum: Do you want a sandwich?
Mum: I was kidding.
Me: We just had dinner - you're a bottomless pit.
Jake: Just call me Brad.
Jake: Brad... Brad Pitt.
I’m gonna betch slap you shitbag.. LOL jks, avada kedavra.– Mrs Weasley
Mum: He doesn't really strike me as gay though.
Me: Do you not remember that time he wore a sweater vest with nothing underneath?
Squabs are raised to the age of roughly a month before being killed for eating;...– brb, sobbing uncontrollably
Some dude at 'the' barbecue: David Bowie is SO gay.
Me & five other girls: HE'S MARRIED TO A SUPERMODEL.
Some dude: What's her name.
Some dude: So he couldn't find 'A man' so he married Iman?
Me: Yeah we walked into that.
Jake hasn’t been home for the past two weeks so I’ve had this end of the house to myself. Party? No. I had to go and get sick. All aboard the fail train.
You’re the best person I know at drinking water, seriously. I don’t...– Awesome, I’m now qualified to become a fish.
When I was your age safe sex was locking the car doors.– I HATE BARBECUES FULL OF RANDOM OLD PEOPLE WHO DROPPED TOO MUCH ACID IN THE SEVENTIES.